


you're closed off, open up to me

by kihyxns



Series: caregiver magnus and constantly sick/injured alec [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Good Parabatai Jace Wayland, M/M, Sickfic, caregiver!magnus, sick!Alec
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 04:23:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyxns/pseuds/kihyxns
Summary: alec is emotionally closed off, after years of living in shaodwhunter society he's had to take care of himself. magnus wants to change this.





	you're closed off, open up to me

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello! after seeing the great response my first fic got i thought i might as well post this one pretty quickly!! this is a run of the mill sickfic with a little emotional discourse, yet again with another slice of the Good Parabatai Jace which is my second favourite concept probably. I hope y'all enjoy this one, there will be more soon, i do have one more lined up but it is exam season so i might not have such regular updates, but i shouldn't be gone for too long!!
> 
> psa: i have not read the books, all characterisation is based on the TV show alone !!

Alec is the loving protective caretaker of all three of his siblings, plus Magnus. Since Izzy’s birth he’s been there, a constant warm presence by her side if she ever needed one. Once Jace had arrived at the Lightwood home, with Max just a toddler, he gained yet another responsibility. He is the oldest, he is to protect and love his siblings to his utmost ability, even if it gets him killed. 

As the oldest he did not let anyone into his own suffering, keeping Izzy and Jace our when they questioned him about headaches or bruises, anything he could possibly need. That trait has stuck with him to this day, he refuses help from either two of his siblings, and barely lets Magnus see him so vulnerable as well. It was hard to let anyone in first, it took a couple near death experiences for him to accept that he should probably take some help, but on non-life threatening instances he remains largely closed off. 

-

Before Alec even decides to open his eyes after waking, he can feel the aching pain of a blocked nose over his cheekbones. He doesn’t need to move an inch to know that his limbs are going to feel like lead and his head is going to start _screaming_ in protest once he starts getting up. But he forces himself up anyway, wrenching himself away from Magnus’ warm grasp. He plants his feet on the floor, hoping his knees don’t buckle, and makes his way into the bathroom. 

After taking a brief look in the mirror, Alec knows that Magnus probably won’t be letting him out of the apartment looking the way he is, pale and washed out, dark circles looming. This means he should probably skip breakfast and just get to the institute as quick as physically possible. He quietly creeps around, putting on his jeans and shirt with relative ease considering the amount of fatigue that’s weighing him down. He leaves Magnus with a kiss on his cheek, hurriedly walking his way to the institute before Magnus can properly wake up and keep him locked in the loft all day. 

The institute is hell. Just walking through the ops centre exasperates his headache forty times over. Everywhere is loud noise and bright screens, it makes Alec want to curl up on the floor and stay there until everyone gets the message. After forcing his way through the morning address and meeting with his key positions, he quickly hides himself away in his office, relishing in the peace for just a little while. 

But then his hand starts aching as much as his face when he writes for too long, and the bright screen of his laptop isn’t helping him answer his crowded inbox at all. Nothing seems to be going well. The one thing he wants is to crawl into bed with Magnus and he can’t even do that. He has to do his job, and if that means suffering to do it so be it, even though the Magnus idea is completely possible at a literal text message (but he’ll hold off, for now). 

The fact that his mind is spinning makes him forget that Jace is most likely feeling a muted, but still very present, version of his 'sort of' cold, which could become a problem. Jace has always been as closed off as he is, but he also doesn’t hesitate in protecting and caring for people he loves, which Alec falls into the category of. Once he gets back from mission he is might question Alec, and in his current state Alec will be nearly powerless to stop him. Luckily Izzy is off on Clave business in Idris for the next couple days so she can only berate him over text, not face to face, which he is somewhat grateful for. Alec is stubborn as anything though, he’s going to push through his paperwork if it’s the last thing he does, Jace be damned. 

Alec doesn’t even get the chance to be questioned by Jace, because as his brother returns from his mission, he is face down in a bunch of paperwork, accidentally ending up sleeping his headache off. Jace opens the door to the office, wanting to check on his parabatai. He’s been feeling some distress through their bond but just scraped it up to stress from the Clave or something else that could be easily batted away, not this. One of Alec’s arms hangs down from his chair, the other being used as an additional cushion for his head. His back is slumped awkwardly and uncomfortably over the desk, stray papers and pencils digging into Alec’s skin. His body is twisted, his chest leaning towards the desk but his legs pointing outward to the left of the desk. Jace just sighs, half disappointedly, half affectionately as he leans against the doorway, Clary stood beside him. 

“What should we do?” Jace mutters, not wanting to wake Alec who is known to be a light sleeper. 

“Send him to the loft, Magnus can help him more that we can,” Clary replies softly before patting Jace on the back, parting with “but I’ll leave you to that,” 

Jace sends her off with a smile, turning back to face Alec after he does. He wracks his brain for an approach, something that won’t immediately make Alec throw his guard up and insist that he stay in the institute until he gets all of his work done (which judging by the pile that his head is resting on, is a lot). He knows that he should send Alec back to the loft, not only was Magnus a better caregiver that anyone in the institute, he was probably the only other person Alec would let anywhere near him when he’s like this. He’s just hoping that Magnus is working from home, otherwise Alec might have to stay here and be miserable all day. 

He finally steps inside the room, his footsteps light on the carpeted flooring as he makes his way over to Alec’s desk. He initially wakes Alec with a hand on his shoulder, which should ease him out of it. It doesn’t immediately, not until Jace has shaken him a couple times over. He does though, not as sharp as usual, a groan flowing from his lips after the bright light of the corridor floods into his office from open door. 

“You okay buddy?” Jace asks from his position towering over Alec. 

Alec struggles to look up, activity replying with a uncommunicative hum, trying to burying himself into his arms more. Jace sees the effort it takes him to look up and crouches down in front of him, trying to lessen unnecessary movement. Jace places a hand on Alec’s jutted knee, rubbing it softly as he attempts to coax Alec into talking to him. 

“What hurts?” Jace tries again, insisting with the questions. 

“How did you know?” Alec mumbles, attempting to raise his head from the stack of paper. 

“Alec, I’m your Parabatai, plus it doesn’t take a lot to see that you’re currently in pain,” Jace laughs softly, knowing that nothing is making much sense in Alec’s head right now. 

“It’s just a headache,” Alec dismisses, sitting up fully and running a hand through his hair as he does. 

“If it was just a headache then why do you sound so stuffy?” Jace asks, being able to hear the acute crackling of congestion in Alec’s lungs. He stands after that, the conversation basically over. 

Alec doesn’t bother answering, just pressing his face into Jace’s side, close to where their rune is. Jace loops his arm around Alec’s back, rubbing large and gentle circles once he does, hoping it makes Alec feel marginally better in any way. 

Jace knows that Alec corners himself off when he gets sick, afraid of anyone accusing him of vulnerability. So even though Clary said that they should probably give him to Magnus, he also knows that Alec might not want to be in the loft right now, not wanting Magnus to see him like this. He should give Alec the option of staying here or going to the loft, just in case he wants to stay. Magnus might be working from home but he’ll still have clients, and Alec hates feeling like a burden on anyone. 

“Alec, do you know if Magnus is at home?” Jace asks quietly, feeling Alec’s warm breath by his side. 

“Yeah, I don’t remember him saying he was going anywhere,” Alec replies groggily, his voice hoarse. 

“Do you want to stay here or go to the loft?” Jace asks, not being able to put a bet on which one he will say. 

“Please take me _home_ ,” Alec pleads almost, his voice sounding weak and shaky. 

Jace startles then. One, Alec has never showed this type of vulnerability around him, or anyone, period. Meaning he has to be feeling completely out of it or he is just choosing his time on when to drop his guard down around him. Two, take me home? For Alec home is the Institute, at least that’s what Jace has always thought.

A smile appears on Jace’s face, even though it means his brother doesn’t regard their home as home anymore, “sure buddy, I’ll take you home, I just hope Magnus isn’t too mad at me for bringing you home sick,” 

“I’m not sick!” Alec weakly protests, attempting to lift himself and stand. 

“Sure you’re not,” Jace laughs softly, hauling Alec up onto his feet. He pulls out his stele and lifts the hem of Alec’s shirt to reveal his iratze, activating it swiftly, hopefully that will allow him to walk, even if it’s just for a little bit. 

Jace stays close as the two of them trudge out of the institute, effectively hailing a taxi down once they get far enough out. Jace gives the driver the address to Magnus’ apartment, knowing that even though Alec is sick he can make his own way up the stairs without his assistance. 

“Message me when you get home yeah? Take care,” Jace says in goodbye, patting Alec’s shoulder before the older mumbles a ‘thank you’. The cab takes off quickly and Jace just hopes Magnus can work his magic pretty quickly, he never likes feeling when Alec is in pain. 

The cab ride is relatively easy, even if the drivers attempt at small talk makes Alec want to curl up and die a little. He pays the man a bit extra for having to put up with him and gets out the car on shaky legs. Before he even steps into the apartment building he can see that Magnus’ wards are up. Luckily he’s sure that he’ll be able to get into the loft, the wards are keyed into very specific people, but unless something has put Magnus on alert, it’s usually a sign that the warlock isn’t home. And Alec doesn’t know which option is worse at this moment. 

He makes it up the stairs, barely. He gets into the loft with ease, just taking the time to shrug off his coat and shoes, chucking them by his spare bow and arrows that he keeps at the loft for emergencies. Heavy footsteps take him to the bedroom, his eyes nearly watering in a combination of fatigue and happiness once he sees the wonderfully inviting bed. Collapsing into three quarters of a fetal position, he just has the energy to take his stele and phone out of his pocket to place them on the bedside table. He messages Jace a confirmation of him making it home, whilst seeing a new message from Magnus. 

_‘Sorry, won’t be at home, got called to an ‘emergency meeting’ but that’s just Lorenzo being an ass probably, it shouldn’t take long, I’ll be home late tonight, love you,’_

Alec can’t even muster the strength to reply back, simply putting his phone next to his stele and promptly passing out. 

—

Exhaustion rolls off of Magnus as he arrives back at the loft. He expected the meeting to run on for a lot longer, as they usually do, but luckily Lorenzo ran out of things to talk about pretty quickly. He’s pretty sure he was only invited because Lorenzo wanted to show off how good of a high warlock he’s being. Magnus is just happy to get back home though. It’s about 21:30, which means Alec should have been home for a couple hours, unless he saw his message and decided to do some extra training. 

The wards alert him to Alec’s presence in the apartment initially, as well as his boots and coat thrown messily just inside the doorway. From that Magnus is slightly thrown, Alec is usually very tidy, hanging his stuff up and putting his boots away. He wouldn’t just chuck his stuff in the entrance, plus he’s normally sat in the living room waiting for him, doing whatever work he decided to bring home from the institute. Which today, he’s not. The living room is empty, the kitchen is silent. That makes Magnus worry just a little bit, Alec is definitely somewhere in the loft, and after years of training he knows when Magnus enters the apartment, regardless of where he enters. 

Magnus shifts off his coat and starts walking around the apartment, wanting to find Alec. He makes a beeline to their bedroom, letting out a slight sigh of relief as he sees a massive lump on the bed that can only be Alec. The worry just flares back up once he moves to crouch at the side of the bed. He can see Alec start to move, but he himself pulls the covers off the shadowhunter, revealing Alec in all his ‘glory’.

“ _Oh Alexander_ ,” Magnus says pitifully, concern written all over his face. 

“I don’t feel great,” Alec mumbles back, his hair messy, nose completely blocked and head throbbing in pain. 

“You don’t look it either,” Magnus chuckles, placing a soft hand in Alec’s hair, trying to soothe him. 

“Hey,” Alec protests weakly, looking cutely disgruntled. 

“First, what hurts?” Magnus questions, it looks like Alec has a case of the common cold but he can never be sure. 

“My head, and face. My nose is completely blocked and it’s hard to breathe,” Alec answers miserably, the mucus in his lungs making him cough once he’s finished his sentence. 

“Have you eaten or drank anything today at all?” Magnus asks, realising he needs to question Alec gently, knowing that’s the only way he’ll open enough to be taken care of. 

“No,” Alec mumbles, not wanting a lecture from Magnus in his current state. 

“Okay,” Magnus sighs, knowing that that was going to be the answer, summoning a glass of water as he does, “can you sit up and drink this for me?” 

Alec pushes himself up on his arms, sitting up against the plush cushions, looking up to see Magnus’ expectant glare. Magnus hands Alec the glass in his hands, waiting for him to start drinking it before he goes to get him something to eat. 

“Honey, don’t drink too fast,” Magnus reminds, Alec is full throttle most of the time, and this is one of those occasions. 

After Alec hands the glass back to Magnus, starting to curl himself under the covers again. Magnus just lets him for now, reminding him that he’ll have to get up soon. 

“Do you have an appetite for anything?” Magnus asks softly, standing up from his crouched position as he does. 

“No, not really,” Alec replies, his breathing sounding more laboured, the congestion in his lungs causing him more grief than before. 

“Do you think you can activate your nourishment rune at all?” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Alec lifts up his shirt and makes a grab for his stele before he realises Magnus is halfway to handing it to him. Luckily he just about reaches it, even though it’s hidden by the left side of his ribcage. 

“Should I conjure a TV in here and we can watch crappy mundane dramas after you get changed?” Magnus says, taking Alec’s stele back and placing it on the table. 

Alec merely nods back before Magnus starts conjuring a TV out of nowhere. He just about manages to get out of bed and to the dresser, flinging off his shirt and struggling with his jeans. He replaces them with a new top and comfortable sweatpants, quickly getting back into bed as he dumps his dirty clothes in the washing bin. Magnus is perched on the side of the bed, already changed into one of his nice silky pyjama sets, their newly conjured TV placed on a stand a few feet away from the end of the bed. 

Magnus leads the way and sits up against the headboard of the bed, not straight enough to be uncomfortable, but more upright than an usual sleeping position. Alec gets under the sheets and places his head just under the end of Magnus’ ribcage, his arm curling over the warlock’s torso. His legs curl around Magnus’ in an attempt to regain his fetal position from earlier. Magnus threads one hand through Alec’s hair, the other rests lightly on his back, rubbing sweeping lengths up and down the plane of muscles. 

“Comfortable?” Magnus asks, already knowing this is one of Alec’s favourite cuddling positions. 

“Definitely,” Alec replies, hugging just a little tighter to Magnus’ torso as he does. 

Magnus clicks on season four of friends, knowing that Alec falls asleep easier with background noise whenever he’s recovering. He lies cuddled into Magnus, watching the episode and laughing along at parts. His breathing is more laboured than Magnus would personally like, and the warm breath on his side signals that his nose is too blocked to breathe properly either. Plus with how exhausted he looked he probably should have began to drift off by now, yet he’s still as awake as he was half an hour ago. 

Magnus knows that Alec is still subconsciously shutting him out. He admitted he was in pain but did not ask for any relief for it, whether that be with Magnus’ own magic or mundane drugs. Now that his symptoms are keeping him up, Magnus wishes that Alec would at least ask for some sort of help, not just continue to suffer. 

“Darling, are you sure you don’t want me to help you with your headache?” Magnus asks softly, running his hands through Alec’s hair. 

“I don’t want to take advantage of your magic,” Alec trails, his voice muffled by how his face is half smushed into Magnus’ torso. 

“Alec I offer because I want to, not because of any other reason. I love you, and I just want to help. Please don’t think that you’re taking advantage of me and my magic,” Magnus reassures, looking down at Alec who is currently fiddling with the hem of Magnus’ top. 

Magnus knows that Alec is feeling nervous, and that combined with how sick he’s feeling isn’t a good combination. Magnus resumes rubbing down his back, trying to make Alec feel a little less upset. He’s probably struggled with these thoughts for a while now, keeping them inside, that being the reason he never wants anyone to help him when he’s sick or injured. That with the fact that he’s always tried to portray himself as the strong, independent big brother who doesn’t need any help from anyone, that probably contributed somewhat. 

“You do know it’s okay to ask for help? With anything, I’d hate it if you shut me out,” 

“Yeah, I know, it’s just..” Alec stops midway through his sentence, attempting to take a deep breath in, but it turns into a cough as the congestion stuck in his lungs makes him take short breaths to compensate, “I’m the oldest, and I’ve had to take care of all my younger siblings. I can take care of myself, I’ve never needed anyone else. And now that I have people in my life who are willing to take care of me, I don’t know how to react,” 

“You’ve always had people, you just haven’t let them in,” Magnus reminds. 

“Maybe I want to let you in, but I just don’t know how yet,” Alec replies, feeling extremely exposed and vulnerable. 

Magnus knows that Alec is feeling vulnerable, and he should probably change the topic of conversation to something more lighthearted. He shouldn’t start picking apart Alec’s inner psyche when he’s sick. 

“We can talk about this properly when you’re in the right mind, my offer still stands,” 

Alec doesn’t reply verbally, just nods instead, giving him the go ahead. Magnus removes his hand from Alec’s back, placing it with the other on the side of his head. He brings his magic forward and starts to take the pain away from Alec, also attempting to decongest his nose whilst he’s at it. Alec lets out a warm sigh as he relaxes against Magnus, snuggling himself impossibly deeper into Magnus’ torso. Within minutes he’s completely gone, his breathing lighter and regular, his body heavy and comfortable. Magnus returns to his former position, continuing to rub Alec’s back as the shadowhunter sleeps peacefully. 

Magnus is reminded of the struggle that tomorrow will bring, Alec never likes to remain vulnerable for too long, but he instead stays in the moment, pushing those thoughts away. Alec stays sleeping on his torso till mid morning, waking up with worse symptoms than before, but Magnus can’t seem to make himself care that much. As long as Alec is happy in his arms he’d care for him all day long.

**Author's Note:**

> i hoped you enjoyed, please leave a comment and kudos down below!!!


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